What up Doc?

I have been having a hard time lately. Things have been all over the place. I thought that I was never going to go back to school. I thought that I would never start my career. I thought that I would never find the type of people that have come into my life recently. I never thought I would find you. Or that you would find me…

I knew there was something about you from the moment you walked into the room that first night. We locked eyes, and it was over; I was caught. I didn’t want to believe that it was true. I really thought that I was making a huge mountain out of a very, itty bitty mole hill. I talked myself in circles trying to figure out if I was going crazy and seeing something there that really wasn’t. I’m still doing that. But no matter how hard I try, I still feel wrong in my gut for doubting your intentions. And after what happened the other night, I felt the need to apologize. I didn’t know it would turn into what it did.

As the weeks have gone by, I’ve learned so much about you. So many little things you let slip; now I’m thinking they weren’t as accidental as they seemed to be. But you weren’t the only one who did that, I’m guilty too. I wanted to see if you would pick up on them like I did to yours. I believe I can say we were both impressed by the amount of attention we really pay to each other. I can tell when you are upset just by the way you walk, or by the slightest look. I feel like your eyes see right through me every time. And that makes my heart race like no other…

I had to make a personal call the other night. I don’t ever make personal calls during school or work. But something told me I had to make this call. The moment he answered I regretted ever making the call. I was put in an instant bad mood, furious at the male race. I quickly ended the call and walked back into the room where you asked if everything was okay and I snapped at you. I torn myself up about it all night. You didn’t deserve it, you aren’t him. I barely slept because I felt so bad and I couldn’t wait till Tuesday to apologize so I texted you. I’m so glad I did.

We talked all day, and slowly but surely you started to let down your walls and I let mine fall. Before I knew it I was smiling at my phone like a damn fool. Thinking about your every word. Wondering how someone so amazing, talented, amusing, professional, caring, determined be treated so poorly? And not by just her, by your father’s whole family? Why? I just want to punch each one of them in their face. But that wouldn’t solve anything. So instead, I told you how I felt about you. I told you how amazing you are. I firmly believe that when someone is amazing in your life, that you need to tell them as much as you can. You never know when that person may need it; or if you’ll ever see them again, so speak up. I think we heard one another loud and clear.  Loud and clear.

Doc, I don’t know where this is going for sure. I could still be completely wrong, but I’m hoping I’m not. I opened up to you, and now I’m in my head about it. I keep reading over the messages. I keep looking at my phone to see if you have texted me. I know you won’t when you are with her. I understand that. Just know that your words, you, you make my days better. I just hope I do the same for you…